Bad Pantomime

by Anthony Parks




house of my heart a brand new start
again to share with you
what's to become of the lonely one?
his shadow casting through
haven't i spared you long enough
from what i'm thinking of?
happy to say no complications
waiting for what will go wrong

haven't i shared with you before
what i've been waiting to tell?
my innocence is feigned
my shame hangs high upon the shelf
i can assure you it's for sure
my love for you is real
i don't know how much longer i can keep on
hiding my true self

its okay, it's alright
it's much easier in the morning light
awaken to waste a clear head and open eyes
on trepidation
as the day goes by
can't explain this feeling
sensations of reeling
hesitations circle
in my head
keep it on
keepin on

isn't this what i've been waiting for
a pure unbridled love
haven't i spent oh too much time on my own
being down?
what's the worst when you know damn well
that rock bottoms not so bad?
to summon up a call to courage
beckons from your shell


on waking up the thought comes out
that you're life's quickly fading out
prepare to breathe look in the mirror
make a scene
it's worse when you're alone
suspicion creeps when you're not preoccupied
inventing lies inside my mind
to drain the time

getting high on feeling low
exercising little self control
cuz i know just how it feels
to be adamant and lack repose
time to make my last confession
overcome by very dark obsessions
and im making it my mission
to put them out, i'm hiding every trace

with every hour passing
i'm feeling so much better than
i'm feeling so much better when
i fight the compulsion to tear myself apart
and when the next time comes
i think i'll know much better than
i'm sure i'll know much better than
to descend down the spiral
i'm over (getting high on feeling low)


every night i cry myself to sleep
i bottle it up but i got something to tell ya
im not trying -- trying not to be mean
would you believe?
i'm not a stand-in, even when i'm serene
i'm not your shining knight to talk about your problems
and be forgotten on the day he comes
would you believe
the same old things you been telling me all along?

oh, you try, and you try so hard for the perfect line
a lie on another lie buys you
all the time
in the world that you want
but how can you stand
on the shoulders of happenstance?
in the wrong place, writ large on her face
bad pantomime, old palomin

every night i'm walking down the street
i see the people holding hands
and wonder if theyre really in love
or using each other
but when you think about it can you tell?
the difference between love and lust
i think one is easily seen
in their atmosphere its totally clear
without pda or a fucking screen


ive been down ive been up
on this cold and winding road and back again
never sure how i'd ride right through these years
i return to the land of a love that never fades
an ideal, it began
who told you of such a thing?

take a turn, your lesson's learned
burning bright despite my selfish yearning
sights set on you
how do i know this love's not lie
a far off fairy tale?
the world won't stop when our stars are aligned
to disabuse my mind

thinking back to the days, truly innocent belief
that somehow you would be so permanently in love
and never forced to fight, to weather the storms of your doubts
washed upon the rocky shores of your heart


how can i tell that you're not faking it?
when i've never known how it feels to be in love?
infatuation mistaken for its sake
cause surely you're not mine and i'm not yours

so unexcited
would i be happy to be happy to be yours?
id break ever window
in this one room house
ive been looking out at all along

how many years must i fail to fill this role?
a gallant and graceful chaser on his high horse
the things i was taught to want growing up
are surely not what i am looking for


frozen in time why can't i hold the line for you longer now to settle down?
how can i say i'm so restless and all i need is time
time to acquaint myself with unfamiliar impressions of you
a strong connection don't come every day my way

i'll say what i want but what can i do
i'm the luckiest guy in the world to have met you
but i must confess this is new
this wonderful feeling of wanting to not be left alone
goodbye old shell

breaking the hold of obsessions that won't give up on me
fading them out through the power of endless distractions again
i swear it's not you i'm afraid of it's my own history at fault
so i'll keep repeating this chorus right til i believe it, yeah


released May 23, 2016

written/recorded at home, new year's eve 2015 to may 2016
remastered 2017
written, recorded, and performed by me
artwork by briana griffin (



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Anthony Parks Boston, Massachusetts

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